Why I love Atkins

As you know, I've been maintaining on Atkins for five years now. My weight usually hovers between 125-130 lbs, with 130 lbs being the oh-sh*t-I-need-to-reinduct-NOW weight.

What with all the charming work drama lately, I seem to have, uh, exceeded that. Just a little. I typically weigh myself once a week just to keep an eye on things. I'm not normally an emotional eater anyway (except for that whole bulimia thing, which is a separate issue). When I get really upset, I tend to not feel like eating at all. But, I guess this time was different. There was that brownie that one time, and those seminars where they had pizza and ...

Anyway, I found myself at, gasp, 131 lbs! Considering I started out at 163 lbs back in 2003, this is hardly insurmountable. But it explained why all my clothes were starting to get a little tight. So, I reinducted.

Since I'm so close to my "normal" weight, re-inducting doesn't usually produce those gorgeous whooshes of weight loss you see when you have a lot more to lose. I lost 13 lbs my first two weeks on induction when I was at my heaviest. Now, it's more like a 1 lb loss.

But not this time! A 3 lb whoosh! Three days after reinducting!

Thank you, Whoosh Fairy, I needed that!

Elle

Thoughts on bulimia and carbohydrate triggers

Weighing the Facts has a great post up about "Why we overeat." It contains part of an article which discusses some of the brain chemistry aspects behind binge eating. Experts have been telling us for years that eating disorders have little to do with food; this is, of course, true to a very large extent. But from my own experience, I wonder if food, particularly our reactions to certain foods, doesn't have something to do with it. The progression may have more to do with control and emotional issues, but the thing that trips that cascade is nearly always tied to weight issues.

For most of my life I ate a "normal" American diet, heavy on the white carbohydrates. As children, my siblings and I were served the usual meat-green vegetable-yellow vegetable-starchy vegetable kind of menu. Mom didn't keep a lot of junk in the house, we never had soda or chips lying around, mainly because she couldn't afford it. Sugary cereals were a rare treat, and my brother M. used to appoint himself Cereal Warden, hiding the box so "you guys won't hog it all down right away!" None of us were truly overweight, though as an adolescent I was carrying maybe 5 lbs extra here and there, which of course seemed disastrous. It was then that I first started experimenting with bulimia. That's often how bulimia starts, wanting to eat without gaining weight, or at least that's how it started with me. But I am convinced that this not so uncommon desire to eat what you want without gaining weight occasionally runs into a messed-up brain chemistry, and the next thing you know, the occasional purge has become a way of life.

Simply put; bulimia made me feel better, albeit temporarily. My disease got worse as I got older and encountered more by way of adult stresses and disappointments. The act of binging and purging requires attention -- the preparation of food, the eating, and the purging all distract from whatever life is throwing at you. It also results in a temporary flood of endorphins which calm and soothe. As a former binge-purge aka bulimia specialist, I'll testify to that. It's funny what happens when an eating disorder runs smack into an over-educated brain. There I'd be, fingers down my throat, thinking "now comes the endorphin rush!" I knew what was going on with me, even as it was happening. Not that I let it stop me.

I didn't truly get a handle on my bulimia until I started low-carbing. In the two years prior to starting Atkins I'd gained the most weight I ever had in my life. I normally hovered around 135-145 for most of my adult life. At 5'3" that wasn't skinny, but given my build, it was hardly fat, either, maybe 10 lbs overweight at the worst. But by May 2003 I found myself weighing 163 lbs, the heaviest I'd ever been. I was also purging at least once a day at that point. I was never a serial dieter, relying as I did on bulimia to keep a handle on things, but it was clear even to my addled brain that bulimia clearly was not working, I was killing myself slowly, and it was time to try something else for weight control and to get help with my disease.

A relative had lost quite a bit of weight on Atkins, so I thought I'd try that first. Due to my body chemistry, I was a perfect candidate for Atkins. Most of my extra weight was abdominal, which seems to respond best to carbohydrate control, I was never much for sweets though I loved pasta and bread, and I loved protein-based foods. Atkins was like a miracle for me. I dropped 13-15 lbs on induction (13 officially, but I didn't get a scale until two or three days into induction so I'm not totally sure what my starting weight was) and lost steadily thereafter.

What I found truly amazing about this was that my craving to purge (and it's a real craving) disappeared almost immediately. I thought at first it was because I'd switched obsessions -- instead of constantly planning the next thing I'd binge on, I was busy counting grams of carbohydrates, and chatting with my new buddies over on Low Carb Friends. But it was more than that. I felt good for the first time in ages. I was sleeping well, I had a ton of energy, my eczema cleared up on its own, and my nearly constant brain-fog had lifted. About two months after I started, I got "official" help for my eating disorder; though I hadn't purged once since starting Atkins, I figured I'd better get help before it started up again.

So I did, and aside from the occasional pothole when things got very stressful, I've been able to control it for years. But, and here is the point of this long-winded post, I am convinced that a big part of the reason why I have been able to control it is that I'm no longer eating on a regular basis foods which trigger these binge-purge cravings. My binge food of choice was nearly always pasta of some form. I hardly ever eat it now, but, when I do and if I happen to eat it during a stressful time, I notice these usually quiescent cravings get quite a bit louder.

The usual advice for those recovering from an eating disorder -- the advice I got and disregarded because low-carbing was clearly working for me -- was to eat a "balanced" diet (aka one with a ton of white carbohydrates) while getting psychiatric help. I can't help but wonder, given my own experience, that more bulimics would be helped in their recovery if white carbohydrate reduction (at a minimum) wasn't recommended instead. Dr. Atkins mentioned in Dr. Atkins' New Diet Revolution that protein binging is self-limiting, it's pretty hard to binge on steak, for example, due to the satiety factor. It's much easier to binge on carbohydrate-laden foods, but aside from ease of use, I think carbohydrates set up a cascade in the bulimic body which triggers binging.

That's what I think, based on my own experience. I think the psychiatric stuff helped tremendously as well, in terms of recognizing stressors and developing more constructive coping strategies. But, and I can't emphasize this enough, I doubt very much I would have been nearly as successful in coping with my bulimia if I'd been following the recommended "healthy" diet with breads and pastas and all that.

Just my two cents.


Elle

White Rice Hangover

Blech.

Last night I went to dinner at the home of two-coworkers. One works in the intellectual property division of the University, and has done a lot of work in getting two of my inventions patented. Her wife is a director of one of the research centers at the same University, which pays part of my salary. Thus, it was incumbent on me to go, though honestly I like them both a lot and would have gone even if the politics of the situation hadn't demanded it. The dinner was in honor of another co-worker and her parents, who are over from China for Co-Worker's upcoming wedding. My boss and her wife were also there.

This sort of dinner party is the kind that could only happen in a liberal enclave like Massachusetts. Two same sex married couples, half the guest list cooing in Mandarin over the host's wedding album, and two heterosexual women talking about their own wedding plans. It was a great night.

Also great was the food, authentic Chinese, which happens to be one of my most favorite things in the world. In the time that I've been on maintenance, my daily carbohydrate allowance is around 70-90 grams a day in the form of non-white carbs, except for special occasions, like last night. Most of the carbohydrates were of the good kind, that is, vegetables. But there was also my bete noir, sticky white rice. I ate some, and boy howdy, am I feeling it this morning!

I repeat, blech.

But that's okay, you know? Because damn, that was some good food! And food is one of life's great pleasures, not the enemy it used to be for me and continues to be for some people, for instance, those who are at kimkins.com, desperately trying to follow Kimmer's dangerous Kimkins starvation diet.

Speaking of which, MJR has an excellent post over on Kimkins Scam. One claim by Kimmer and certain of her deluded followers is that Kimkins does not now and never has promoted very low calories and laxative abuse. MJR neatly disposes of that claim by providing an abundance of evidence to the contrary. Mariasol also has a nice post about how Kimmer, in one of her 'invincible moments,' lied to the California Attorney General. Honeybee has a hysterically funny post on Kimmer's latest award, and owes me a new keyboard because this one is now covered with coffee.

There are many, many such great blogs and sites on the Just Say No to Kimkins Webring, which I urge you to visit. Sites like Kimtanic, A Pinch of, and Kimkins Nightmares all are worthy of a nice, prolonged visit. A Pinch of has a wonderful post which explains how Kimkins by its very design imposes very low calories. Kimkins Nightmares shares her own story of how she was sucked into Kimkins, what it did to her, and what really goes on at Kimkins. Kimtanic has a very amusing post in which she introduces the captain of this shipwreck.

To round out your reading list, please also visit The Lighter Side of Bad Bad, a fake blog about a real scam. I'm off to drink a gallon of water to flush out the white carb toxins.

Elle

Thoughts on Rapid Weight Loss

Mariasol has a great post up about online diets, and it got me thinking about rapid weight loss.

In some ways, I feel like I really shouldn't be talking about this. The most I had to lose was about 30 lbs, and I had a perfect weight loss experience. I was one of those people whose metabolic needs and personal food preferences dovetailed perfectly with Atkins. I lost thirteen lbs in my first two weeks on Induction, and hit my first goal of 132 lbs exactly three months after I started. I went on to lose a bit more and over the last four and a half years have managed to maintain, with only a bit of upward creep here and there which was easily fixed each time with a brief return to Induction.

Back when I was actively posting on Low Carb Friends I was part of a challenge, where we'd all post our goals and cheer each other on. There were a few like me who found it easy, but there were more than a few who struggled. Even when they were doing everything 'right' they still weren't losing as fast as some others, and it was hard for them. They weren't alone -- there were plenty of people on LCF as a whole who were having the same problem, people who had a great deal of weight they needed to lose, much more than my piddling 30 lbs. It's no wonder some of them fell for the kimkins scam.

I can understand that, the need to get it off NOW, even though I don't have personal experience with it. My best friend had weight-loss surgery a few years ago, and I was there for the whole thing. I didn't agree with this decision, for a variety of reasons, which I shared with her but being a best friend, once I'd registered my opinion, I snapped into best friend mode and supported her all the way. Up to and including traveling to the foreign country where this surgery took place with her, emptying the drains that had been inserted in her stomach, cleaning up the puke from that first popsicle she ate too fast (I told her to slow down with that!) and giving her the anticoagulant shots once she was discharged. And to her credit, G (not her real initial) was a model patient, except for that first popsicle. She did, and continues to do, everything she's supposed to do and has maintained a healthy wait for years and looks just beautiful.

One of those things she's supposed to do involves ongoing medical supervision, which she gets religiously and which brings me at long last to the point of this post. If you were, for instance, to gain 100 lbs in just a few months it's to be hoped either you, or someone in your life, would think of getting you some medical attention because, clearly, that rapid a weight gain is an indicator that something could be very wrong with you.

So why, then, do people think they could lose that much weight in the same time period without medical supervision and not expect any adverse consequences?

I know the answer to that, of course. We all convince ourselves we're the exception to whatever, and point out that archetypal individual who did thus and thus and suffered no ill consequences. I have one in my family, my paternal grandfather smoked for nearly seventy years, having started when he was twelve, and lived to be 89. Well, he didn't escape it entirely, he did, after all, die of lung cancer ("If only he quit sooner!" said my grandmother) but still ... 89!

Of course, my maternal grandfather smoked too, starting in his twenties all the way to his death from throat cancer at the age of 55. But back when I used to smoke, guess which grandfather I looked to as proof of my superior genetics and how I could do something so damaging to my health and still get away with it?

Ultima ratio regum, the final argument of kings, in this case, our overweening desire to do or have something so badly that it completely overwhelms our common sense.

I need to go do some laundry in preparation for New Mexico. Where, incidentally, I plan to eat all manner of stuff I normally avoid. Induction when I come back!

Elle

From The Kimkins Recipe Box

Stuffed Cabbage Rolls
- 1 Egg White
- 1 Cabbage leaf
- 1 Box of Ex-lax

Boil up egg whites and cabbage. Wrap egg white into cabbage leaf, bake at 350 for 20 minutes. While it's baking, agonize because you're cheating by having an egg white AND a cabbage leaf! Open box of ex-lax. While waiting for it to work, read the posts here. Come to your senses. If you've been scammed by Kimkins, consider joining the lawsuit.

That's my interpretation, anyway. Here's a real recipe, one I made up myself.

Lisa's Ginger Chicken Wraps
- 1 cooked chicken breast, skin off
- 1 quarter cup nuts. I use walnuts, but toasted pine nuts are good too
- 1 tbsp ground ginger
- 1 tsp olive oil.
- 1 stalk celery, chopped fine
- 2 cups cabbage, shredded
- Cabbage leaves
- Salt and Pepper to taste

Combine all ingredients except the cabbage leaves in a food processor, and chop till it's a paste-like consistency (there may still be chunks here and there, that's fine). Roll up in cabbage leaves -- how many you use depends on how big or small you like them, I usually end up with 2-3 because I like them bigger if they are a side dish. If you're making them as an appetizer, make them smaller. Bake at 350 in glass baking dish, covered, with a splash of water in the bottom of the pan, until leaves start to look transparent. Eat :)

I consider this a side dish, but if you made enough of it, you could have it as a main dish.

That filling is good for wontons as well, if you are not controlling your carbs, just be sure if you are deep frying them to use a high-heat, non-flavored oil (like canola). It also makes a great chicken salad as well.

Off to see if my LiveJournal will let me in ... for some reason I can't post!


Elle

Dear Food Network

Please stop making Amy Finley apologize for presenting fancy gourmet food.

For those who don't follow this kind of thing, Amy Finley won the most recent Next Food Network Star competition, albeit after a series of odd twists and turns. She originally made it to the final three, was eliminated, and then reinstated when it was revealed that one of the two finalists had significantly misrepresented key aspects of his resume. Amy went on to beat the remaining finalist, Rory, and now has her own show called The Gourmet Next Door.

I must confess, Food Network, that I actually voted for Amy. Actually, I cast two votes -- at the time, I was still working part-time as a home health aid, and watched the show every Sunday night with my client (hereafter called 'Lady'). Lady watches your network religiously, and can I just tell you, she hated Rory. A lot. And Lady is what her pseudonym implies, a very sweet, very dignified elderly woman with nary a bad thing to say about anyone, except, of course, the finalist you clearly wanted to win. Lady expressed sorrow that she could not vote for Amy herself, so I offered to text in a vote for her, and cast my own online. (Note to Rory, that doesn't count as vote fraud. You still lost.)

Anyway, I was thrilled that Amy won, and, Food Network, I'm not a reality-show fan. This is the first time I ever voted for anyone in such a show. I wanted Amy to win because I thought it would be nice to have someone do some actual gourmet cooking for a change as opposed to dousing a tub of cool-whip with vanilla extract and gobbing it over hot rum to which butter and cinnamon has been added. Oh, I knew this wasn't what you had in mind, O Food Network, with the frequent references to "the home cook" and the palpable terror you evinced whenever a French cooking term was introduced. ("Mise en place? Shhhhh! Someone might hear you!")

Food Network, I am a 'home cook' and I'm here to tell you, there's room for all kinds of cuisine in my repertoire (French Word Alert!). In fact, it's because my repertoire is somewhat limited that I watch your network and look for new recipes. Certainly some people find shows like 30 Minute Meals and Semi-Homemade useful, what with their emphasis on making things easier. But guys, I already know how to open a can! I want someone to teach me things I don't know, like how to make Gougeres and Profiteroles. Thanks to my fellow voting public and no thanks to you, I have this.

Yet I notice that even though Amy won, you are still making her apologize -- on her own show! -- for what she does. Or perhaps you have inculcated her with an unreasonable terror that her cooking style is somehow inaccessible to your viewers. She says things like, "I know this looks fancy but ..." Food Network, please! This is wholly unnecessary! Do you make Emeril apologize for doing more or less the same thing? Giada? Ina? Look at the success of the few gourmet-geared shows you have, such as Iron Chef America! Clearly your audience likes these shows, just as they also appreciate those shows geared towards individuals who are looking for something a little less complex as well, and apparently an insatiable appetite for shows which bring us the best durned omelet in various diners and dives throughout the country.

I conclude, Food Network, with this simple plea -- leave the woman alone. Let her cook. If her show fails, it's because you didn't play to her strengths but rather to your own weakness -- the belief that your viewers are too limited to attempt anything more complicated than tuna casserole.

Elle

Back!

I had a great time :)

We went to the State Fair the night I got there, which was fun. I've never been to a real state fair before, just the little toy fair we have around here. I met his dad and his sister and of course everything was fine there, they are very nice.

The next day we ended up driving up the Sandias, which was so, so, SO beautiful if a little ear-popping. Then we went shopping for some more apartment stuff he needed, and I helped Dancing in Socks Guy set up some of his new Ikea stuff. Actually, I set it up because I'm good at that stuff and he's more, uh, deliberate in terms of putting stuff together. Besides, he had reading to do.

And, of course, we ate in all my favorite places -- Village Pizza in Corrales, The Frontier, Lotaburger, The Range Cafe, and my beloved Flying Star ... oh, it was heavenly and how sad is it that the thing I most look forward to, besides seeing Dancing in Socks Guy, is having a breakfast burrito at The Frontier?


Elle

The story behind the name

One night, nearly a year ago, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, Dancing in Socks Guy. We were nattering away about this and that, and somehow the conversation wended its way to the ever-fascinating subject of grilled cheese sandwiches and the various things one can add to them.

I said I liked to put dill pickle slices on mine. He turned to me, gave me the exact same look I'd give to someone who said their favorite food was Kitten Pate on Toast Points and said, "Get out of this bed!"

He's been making fun of that ever since. But that's okay because I make fun of him for other stuff.

Thus, when I decided to start a personal blog grilledcheesewithpickles made sense :)

So, what is this? Why am I bothering with my own blog?

For the past two years or so I have maintained a site where I make fun of a certain comic strip. Much of that comes in the form of what I call 'foe fiction' -- it's not FAN fiction, because I mock the hell out of it. I create stories loosely based on the strip's characters, most of which are novella-to-novel length. I've written five of them so far, which is amazing to me. That's like writing five books.

Which brings me back to why I'm doing this -- I'm writing real fiction as well. I have a long way to go before I am ready to submit anything for publication (note to Lynn Johnston, it takes a while) so I thought I'd put various bits and pieces up here for people to read and comment on. That's assuming anyone at all will actually read anything I write here ... blogs were so 2005.

Elle